Attachment Styles Can Change and Are a Lens that Filters Relationships

“There’s typically one way that our brain finds to be the most adaptive, and that’s based on our early childhood experiences. But it certainly can change over time and it can change based on the other types of nervous systems that we’re around.”

-Elisabeth Kristof, Trauma Rewired Co-Host, Founder of and Founder of Neuro Somatic Intelligence Coaching Certification

“Have you ever wondered how your early childhood experiences are shaping your current relationships? Do you notice that you act differently depending on the relationship? Do you find yourself repeatedly drawn into unstable relationships? Well, you’re not alone.

Attachment styles, which play a pivotal role in our relationships, may not be what you think. They aren’t set in stone, and they’re not a fixed part of your personality. In fact, they can change.

In this episode, we explore attachment styles through the fascinating lens of neuroscience. We’ll take you behind the scenes of how attachment styles develop, the impact trauma has on this process, and how neuro tags get activated in your current relationships.

We’ll reveal how secure attachment schemas create healthy co-regulation, while insecure ones can lead to inflammation, dysregulation and health issues. Plus, we’ll dive deep into the three types of insecure schemas, shedding light on the fluidity of attachment styles.

But it’s not just science; it’s personal. We’re living proof that attachment style change is possible, even in the face of early childhood trauma. Through our own stories, we aim to provide hope and inspiration.

Jennifer shares her journey of feeling unsafe in relationships, leading her to withdraw from the world and even from herself. Elisabeth opens up about currently being in a secure relationship while still grappling with feelings of distrust and an ingrained expectation of pain from her early experiences.

While understanding attachment styles from a neuroscience perspective is crucial, we also recognize that it can be challenging, especially if you’ve experienced complex trauma. So, as you listen, we encourage you to approach this episode with self-compassion.

The good news is that you can transform your attachment styles and your relationships. It all starts with gently training your nervous system using Neuro Somatic Intelligence tools. Join us for two free weeks of live and on-demand classes at to begin.

Episode Highlights:

  • Complex PTSD conflict of needing and wanting relationship and not feeling safe with other people
  • Attachment styles are shaped by your primary caregiver’s nervous systems
  • How having the right neuro tools and daily training is key to moving forward
  • 3 areas of the brain where neuro tags and attachment schema are created and how they influence your view of relationships and the world
  • What happens in your brain when a neuro tag triggers a threat response
  • How negative attachment schemas impact our physical and mental health
  • Deep explanation and characteristics of anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment schemas
  • How part of healing is letting go of our stories about ourselves
  • How training your nervous system daily gives you the ability to stay in your higher order thinking systems and not be driven into a threat response from a relationship so you can take a step in a new direction
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Listen to more episodes of Trauma Rewired HERE

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